The Start of Something

It’s funny how when you’re getting ready to go to fall asleep you think the day is done. Like as if nothing bad can happen while you’re off dreaming. I was ready to fall asleep. I was ready to fast forward a couple of hours to wake up and face tomorrow with….. I don’t even know what, I can’t remember anymore. I was falling asleep…

I had no idea this could happen, he was getting better… I didn’t know he could die so easily… I never even thought about it. I thought it was a fucking miracle that he was still with us after he tried to take his life away. I was so thankful, I thought he was a miracle. And I saw his future and it was full of love, full of all his family and friends putting in love and effort to make him feel better about his losses. He wasn’t gonna be able to see, and maybe he lost some part of his brain functioning but omg was he going to be spoiled.

He was so young, in his early 20s..

This was the second time this year that I was next to a loved one who was dead in a hospital bed. So many memories came rushing back.. It’s only been 4 months since my grandmother passed and she practically raised me and I haven’t dealt with it.. and ughh.

R.I.P. both of you, you were both so loved and so many people will feel for you and your families. I love you both.

30 Day Challenge (New)

10. If you could live off of one food and one beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?

Um, cheese pizza with corn, broccoli, pesto, carrots, artichoke and vegan peperoni.

And my drink, would be tea… maybe this Wild Berry Zinger one I have. With sugar please <3

30 Day Challenge (New)

9. Pet peeves:

I can’t think of any cause i’m so happy, but i’ll just say meanie heads and liars are the worst.

<3

30 Day Challenge (New)

8. Three things you want to say to different people.

-You need to grow up.

-I like you :]

-I’m mega appreciative of your existence <3

2-12-2011

It’s been four months since you passed away.

I miss you and love you.

I think about you every day and I can’t help but crumble every once in a while.

I pray every day that you are well and somewhere amazing.

I miss youuu. <33

30 Day Challenge (New)

7. Do you read? What are your favorite books?

Yeah I read.. I just have too many books on my to read list and I end up juggling them around so I have a hard time finishing one book.

Favorite books… My favorite writer is Robert Cormier <3 So anything by him is deemed as epic in my book. Haha and the Harry Potter books are brilliant.

Flowers for Algernon.

Perks of Being A Wallflower.

Books about Audrey Hepburn.

Stephen King - Needful Things, Dolores Clairborne and The Dreamcatcher.

The War of Art.

Fahrenheit 451.

The Soloist.

Pretty much every book I’ve ever read, I’ve never read a bad book.

30 Day Challenge (New)

5. 5 Places you want to visit.

Canada.

Guatemala.

Honduras.

London.

New York.

30 Day Challenge (New)

3. Your day in great detail.

Um, I woke up at like 7 and I was like fuckkk this cause that meant I slept 5 hours. So I slept 2 hours more. When I woke up I started playing with my puppy and omg she found a piece of popcorn and was playing with it for a while :]

Then I made some tea and started dancing in the living room to I Just Had Sex and some Vampire Weekend while I was texting my boyfriend <3

Then I texted some other people and went to the bankk. Then I came home to pay my school fees. Then I headed to my moms work but she made me go to starbucks and to food 4 less before. Then I was at my moms for an hour and a half-ish.

Picked up my little bro, put gas in the car. Went home to eat real quick and to pick up other bro and we went to the hospital to see our brother in law’s brother (who is like a brother to us).

And he looked better today :] He’s trying his best to talk, I couldn’t really understand much but what I did understand made me really happy.

I said “I hope you realize that we’re all here for you. Your family has been here everyday and me and my bros try and come whenever we can. I hope you realize that we all love you and are just waiting for you to get better so we can keep taking care of you.”

And he said “I do.” and idk what else.

Then when I left I told him that I love him and I’ll be back later and he told me he loved me too :] <3

Then I was in the waiting room with my bros, sister, and niece chatting for a bit. We went to the cafeteria then me and my bros said goodbye.

We got home and I ate some ice cream in bed and tried to read but fell asleep.

When I woke up from my nap two hours later I got up to turn off the living room tv cause it was loud, but I didn’t see my mom there haha. Then I told her about the hospital visit and she’s all “yayy” :]

And i’m still in sleepppy mode. Woowoo!

(via fuckyeahdoctorandrose)

30 Day Challenge (New)

2. 10 likes and 10 dislikes.

Likes:

Black tea.

Smelling flowers.

Watching clouds.

Blasting music in my car and sticking my feet out the sunroof.

Throwing bread up in the air so the birds can catch it.

Cuddling and sleeping with puppy.

Driving alone so I can sing and scream.

Throwing up the peace sign <3.

Organizing things.

Baking.

Dislikes:

Being whistled at.

Being seen without make up.

The way coffee hurts me.

How fast some days fly by.

Hospitals.

Shitty doctors/nurses.

How often cops/ambulances/firetrucks pass by my neighborhood.

When people don’t say sorry.

Acne.

Cold showers.

30 Day Challenge (New)

1. Write some basic things about yourself.

I’m 19, Hispanic, filmmaker, television enthusiast, psychology lover.

I like to sing, sleep and be lazy but at the same time I like being busy and kicking ass at everything that I do.

I’m a vegetarian, but I try to stay vegan most of the time.

I don’t drink or smoke. I like innocent fun, like feeding ducks or cupcake parties.

I like to keep my real deep emotions to myself.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I believe in God, heaven, and coincidences but I don’t believe in the evil sides of the story.

I’m an aspiring writer/director.

Here we go.

“Life is changing so fast and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. But when I crane my neck to kiss your head I know, that there is something that I can rely on.”

I miss you so much. I haven’t had the time to cry or cope with this because I’ve been so busy this semester. And now on my first day off of school I can’t help but break down.

I miss you so much that I don’t know what to do with myself. I miss you so much that I can hardly breathe sometimes. This house feels empty. Waking up feels weird. Walking out of my room and not seeing you there still bothers me. Every day I’d tell you goodmorning and goodnight. You were always there, since day one.

I regret so much, I get so mad at myself when I think back at everything.

I was only gone a minute…. and when I was back you were already gone. No, I wasn’t even gone a minute. Omg that fucking minute…

And I wasn’t able to see you for a couple of days cause we all got sick and didn’t want to get you sick. But I should have been there.

You were alone and depresed. Probably confused.. You couldn’t walk or talk or eat. I don’t know how you survived for so long.

And I just remember you waking up from the coma. And the first thing you said to us was that you didn’t wanna die cause you didn’t wanna leave us…

I’ve feared this all my life, and I feel it eating me up inside.

Blood Red Blood

“Oh I’m just trying to do my best
I’m not afraid of life, I’m afraid of death
build my love in the things i say
you’ve gotta lift your face to the breaking day.

Because in time it leaves you,
it leaves you like blood, red blood.”

Blood Red Blood - Voxtrot

I am going through the happiest time in my life.

And through one of the saddest.

This has been a longgg crazy year and it’s not even halfway gone.

Sad because: I pretty much spent New Years at the hospital and i’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. I spent most of January and February at the hospital. My grandmother passed away in February and she means the world to me, she practically raised me and so I’m still having loads of trouble coping with that. I’ve never really been close to someone that passed away and I miss her everyday and break down about once or twice a week.

And now it’s back to spending time at the hospital because my brother-in-law’s brother (which is pretty much a brother to me cause him, my brothers and I are pretty close) attempted suicide. And now he’s in a baaaddd state. He lost one of his eyes, the other might not work. They say he might lose his memory and personality. And right now we’re waiting for him to wake up. Doctors say it’s all up to him, whether he wants to live or not. Hopefully he does once he realizes that we’re all there for him and that so many people love him.

But I’ve been so happy at the same time cause I’ve just had this overwhelming crush on this boy for like a year and a half and I’m finally getting signals back haha. This boy, I swear. Even when my grandma passed away he was the ONLY person that made me happy. Every time I saw him I’d pretty much squeal and scream home cause I was so happy. So we’ll see how this turns out. Another reason for my happiness is just that I’m surrounded by friends again, and I haven’t really had a large group of friends since I left palmdale two years ago.

And i’ve been working with this wonderrrful crew on this comedy web series: The Dudely Jones Comedy Tribe Show, and well I look forward to every day on set.

I feel like I’ve grown up a lot, but at the same time I crave the same amount of help I always have. I don’t know how to cope will all the things going on but I have faith that everything will be fine.

Anyways, I just wanted to rant.